Language...this is so confusing...what to say, how to say it, reading body language and then the hidden language!!!
Where do you start and what is right?
Recently, I had a young client who came in with a view of improving his communication skills with his partner...he felt that if he could improve the way he communicates and get a better understanding of what that should look and sound like, that things will be more peaceful between them both.
It was so wonderfully refreshing to see a young hardworking gentleman wanting to 'improve'...right up front I shared with him that his desire to want to communicate (so to result in less conflict in his relationship) 'better' was indicative of his investment to his partner and his young family.
Why he felt it was his responsibility was something that made me well up with tears...
He said...'I don't want to be like my dad who was abusive to my mum and me and I don't want to see my children grow up in that kind of environment...I want them to know peace and that mum's and dad's love each other. I want them to have the best life...'
Phew...even just writing about it has brought back some emotion - what an incredibly responsible and focused young man who has made a stand in his life, that he will not replicate the lived experience of being brought up in a domestic violent family...he has consciously made that choice, so to give his children a better start in life and treasure the innocence of their young lives.
Can we break the cycle of domestic violence by helping identify triggers and then develop more effective communication skills?
How do we go about giving the young buys of those fractured and heinous family backgrounds to NOT bring that behaviour into their adult lives...how did this one man make that choice and others do not?
As an adult, we all have the choice and we all know the difference between right and wrong...sometimes though, a child that has suffered abuse only knows one form of language and how to communicate...through violence which so often is fueled by anger, frustration and fear.
Can we teach young boys who are subject to domestic violence that there are other ways to communicate before they have this learned behaviour affect them negatively in adult life?
Let's try shall we...I for one am passionate about finding ways to help prevent children from abusive backgrounds becoming abuser's by giving space and time, to guide them to understand the cycle and to empower them to discover another way.