I want to start by saying that I see you, and I understand the pain you might be going through. If you're reading this, chances are you're in a coercive controlled relationship, possibly grappling with financial abuse, and feeling like you're trapped in a never-ending cycle. I want you to know that you're not alone, and there is hope for a brighter, happier future.
In my own journey of healing and self-discovery, I've come to realise that the first step towards breaking free from the clutches of a coercive partner is understanding the manipulative steps they use to control and abuse us. Knowledge is power, and by recognising these tactics, you can begin to regain control of your life.
Coercive partners often isolate their victims from friends and family, making you believe that they are the only ones who truly care about you. They want you to rely solely on them, making it harder for you to escape.
This form of control is insidious. Your partner might restrict your access to money, scrutinise every purchase, or even sabotage your career. Financial abuse can leave you feeling powerless and dependent.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where your partner makes you doubt your own reality. They might deny abusive behaviour, twist the truth, or claim that you're overreacting. Over time, this can make you question your sanity.
Coercive partners excel at playing mind games. They might shower you with affection one moment and turn cold and distant the next. This inconsistency keeps you on edge, desperate for their approval.
Threats and Intimidation
Whether it's verbal threats, smashing objects, or physical intimidation, they use fear to control you. This fear often keeps you from seeking help or leaving the relationship.
Guilt and Blame
They're experts at making you feel responsible for their actions. No matter what they do, somehow, it's always your fault. This erodes your self-worth and makes you feel undeserving of better treatment.
Now, here's the hard truth: you cannot change them. You can't love them enough or try hard enough to make them stop being abusive. Their behaviour is a reflection of their issues, not yours. But here's the empowering truth: you can change yourself and decide that you are worth more.
It starts with recognising your worth. You are deserving of love, respect, and happiness. You deserve a life free from fear, manipulation, and control. It may not be easy, and it may not happen overnight, but you have the strength within you to break free and rebuild your life.
Reach out for support
Confide in a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor. You don't have to go through this journey alone.
Create a safety plan
Plan your exit strategy carefully. Ensure you have a safe place to go, money set aside, and important documents like identification and financial records.
Seek legal advice
If you're facing financial abuse, consult a lawyer or a legal aid organisation to understand your rights and options.
Therapy and counselling
Therapy can be a powerful tool for healing and rebuilding your self-esteem.
Stay committed to self-care
Prioritise self-care, self-love, and self-compassion. You are worth it.
Remember, breaking free from a coercive controlled relationship is a courageous act, and it's a testament to your strength. It might not be easy, and there will be challenges along the way, but you are not alone, and you are worth the effort.
In the end, the only person you can change is yourself, and that change begins with recognising your worth and believing in your own strength.
You deserve a life filled with love, respect, and happiness.